My Mom died last night. We are just distraught. This morning, I really had no words. Now the words are starting to come. Heart-broken. Sad. Angry. I am just so mad. I have buckets of anger but no one to aim them at. And shocked. She was fine a week ago. Short of breath on stairs. She went in for a heart cath. I encouraged her to – get it checked out! Get a stent! I didn’t understand that if there was a major blockage they would take her to the ICU and do a bypass the next day. It’s probably for the best for both Mom and I that we didn’t understand that. She wasn’t really scared or worried going into the cath. We had no idea what was coming. But last night, she was walking around. She was doing great. I called her that morning, and we had a great conversation. It was the first conversation since her surgery in which we just talked and laughed a bit. But I didn’t call last night because I was busy. Yes, busy getting ready to fly out to see her but still. I had my hair done yesterday. Why didn’t I just fly out with gray hair and call my Mom instead? Why did we have to go down this road? She’d be totally fine if we’d done nothing, for weeks, or months, or maybe even years. I also wish I had come sooner. My plan was to come for ten days, and I wanted to time it for when she came home from the hospital so I could stay as long as possible helping her recover. But if only, if only I had come sooner so I could have given her one last hug.

If your mom is not alive, I’m so very sorry. If your mom is alive, go give her a hug. Buy a plane ticket if you have to. But go give her a hug.

I miss her so much.