We met with a doula today. Talking about labor is really hard for me. I am just dreading it. I want to have the option of pain relief, and if I don’t get induced, I almost certainly will not have the chance to get an epidural. And remembering the pain of the last half hour of my last birth just scares me. It was just so painful and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about it. Mostly, I’ve been coping by trying not to think about it, but obviously it’s the kind of topic you have to discuss with a doula.
I am also frightened of the trip to the hospital. If my parents are here, it should be easy enough. I will probably be asking them to come at 37 weeks. In that case, Jonathan and I can just go. The idea of trying to get the kids to a caregiver or take them with us just makes me anxious. So, let’s assume my parents are here and H and I can just go. Most likely, I’ll be in a lot of pain by the time we get there. I don’t want to go through transition in the car. I especially don’t want to give birth in the car. That’s unlikely. But very painful labor in the car? Pretty likely. At least we have a nice car. I’d much rather labor in our new Suby than our 17 year old Ford Focus.
All of this makes me more inclined to induce, but I’d have to do it around 37 weeks, and that’s not ideal for baby. If my baby ended up in the NICU because I was afraid of labor pain, I’d have a hard time forgiving myself. But an unattended birth out of the hospital isn’t safe either, and that’s definitely a possibility if we don’t induce.
Of course, with my current placenta position, I’ll be having a C-section in 6 weeks. My ultrasound next week should give me a pretty good idea of whether that will happen or not.
Ug. I wish I was a mentally tougher person.