Daily Archives: June 20, 2017

traveling East

We’re back at home safe home, and boy is it great to be back.  Nevertheless, I am extremely glad we went.  This anxiety problem I’ve been dealing with for the last year and a half has made me reluctant to travel.  Last year, my trip to Houston really did not go well from an anxiety standpoint, and it’s made me hesitant to travel.  It wasn’t long ago when I felt completely incapable of living my life, so I’ve obviously come a long way since then.  Nevertheless, there’s a difference between living everyday life and traveling.  And I’ve found traveling with the kids very stressful.  They are getting older, though, and it’s been getting a lot easier.  We had a wonderful and easy vacation to Oregon recently (four hour drive) and that made me believe it was time to go to home.   Going home is not what you’d call an easy trip, even when things go well, it’s about 12 hours from door to door.

Things did go well.  The kids were little angels.  Of course, we bribed them with lots of new little toys.  But still.  No crying.  Almost no whining.   Just stellar behavior from end to end.  The only little problem was that I couldn’t get through it without a panic attack.  If you’re counting, I haven’t had one since last
August – that’s ten months.  I’d really wanted to make it to a year.  On the plus side, my panic attack lasted less than an hour.  I was able to control it through breathing, took a Clonazapam, and quickly felt better.  I’m extremely frustrated that I can’t seem to leave this behind, but on the flip side, I’m trying to be patient and  realize that overall, life is good.  I do feel this is holding me back from doing everything I want to do, but I can do MOST things that I want to do, and overall, our life is very good, and our family’s life is good.

The highlights of the trip were spending time with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and Daniel and his family.  I did take some photos, so I’ll hopefully get those processed soon.  It was also nice to be in lush, green, beautiful Roan.oke.  For the record, it’s much greener than Seattle.  However, that humidity.  Oh my God!  Running was torture.  I was just not used to it, and I seriously thought I would expire hoofing it up the mountain at the end of my runs.

My plan is to return to the Virginia in October, and I’m looking forward to it.  Can’t wait to see that squishy little baby!