one kind of happiness

I dated a lot of people through the years.  I cared deeply about several of them, and just had mad crushes on others.  I had my heart broken more than once, more than twice.  I wondered, What is wrong with me? a million times when it seemed all the world was part of a happy couple or at least dating – especially on this day of the year.  But now, all I can think is thank God it all worked out as it did.  Of course, many of the boys and men I dated were lovely, and I’m sure they make great husbands and fathers.  However, I just feel so blessed that I ended up with H.  When I pick my head up from the daily grind and look around, I feel we really are in a place of bliss.  It’s so hard to remember that sometimes, but really, I am.  We are.

Tonight, we’re sleeping apart.  B started some kind of sleep regression three days ago and has been waking up every one to two hours for the last three nights.  Last night, I got one two hour stretch, and the rest of the night, she was up every hour or so, meaning I was getting thirty minutes to an hour of sleep at a go.  (B took her in the morning, giving me a second solid two hour stretch.)  This too shall pass.  Tonight, I’ll try to remember how lucky I am to be holding my little bundle of joy if she wakes me up all night again.

We didn’t go out tonight.  I’m still nursing and not pumping, and it just didn’t seem worth it.  But the thirty minutes we sat on the couch chatting, giving each other a hard time, watching some TV, and a lovely hug and kiss good night was good in its own way.  We’ll go out again soon.  I’m just trying to savor our life right now the way it is.  Sometimes I succeed.  Sometimes, I don’t.  Right now, I feel happy.  Ask me how I feel at 5 am, and you may get a different answer.