As I mentioned, yesterday the women I work with threw me a baby shower. I honestly really wasn’t expecting much. One other woman at work has had a baby, but her group threw her a shower (as opposed to the women), so I didn’t attend, so this was the first shower I’ve been to at work. Anyway, I was really surprised that they kind of went all out with decorations, games, food, fancy cake and lots of presents. It was quite touching, actually. My favorite gift was a rocket dress that one woman sewed. It’s so tiny; I just hope it fits because it’s incredibly cute.
Last night I watched this video of lots of women giving birth. Maybe 20% of the women were in early labor and 20% were pushing, and the other 60% were in active labor. Anyway, the video was provided to B and I by our doula, and it lasted only 15 minutes, but it was really hard to watch. It was basically like watching a bunch of people being tortured know that you’re going to be tortured soon as well. Speaking of which – isn’t that a form of torture? Forcing the victim to listen to or watch others having their knuckles cracked or whatever? Anyway, the people in the videos were not happy campers. Not the mothers, not their support people (mostly men, presumably husbands), and not the few caregivers shown. It made me seriously question whether I should even consider trying to give birth without pain meds. I’m not committed to avoiding an epidural, but I figured I’d try and last as long as I could, mostly by laboring at home, to try and avoid the “cascade of interventions.” However, watching these women, I couldn’t help but ask myself – Why would I torture myself in such a way?
It’s not so much that they were in agonizing pain. It was obvious they were in serious pain, but other than the pushing part, it didn’t look agonizing. However, the troubling part is that the pain lasts hours and hours and hours. I’ve seen estimates for first labors lasting between 12 and 18 hours. Some people say shorter labors aren’t easier, but I don’t believe them. They are probably mostly people who had short labors. My Mom says here very short labors were easy, and I believe her.
It didn’t help that I was feeling bad last night because of the all the moving around at the shower as well as the tasty food. Definitely worth it, but when I feel like crap, labor seems more insurmountable.
B put it in perspective by reminding me it’s only one day. I’d rather go through one days of hell then morning sickness again for 12 weeks, and of course, there’s a million harder things people go through every day, from cancer to stroke and so on.
I’m not sure watching labor videos is such a good idea. I understand the idea that it’s good to know what to expect and maybe desensitize yourself. However, if I was going to have a root canal, I wouldn’t want to watch a video of it in advance. If I was going to have chemotherapy and puke my guts out for hours on end, I wouldn’t necessarily want to watch others going through that first.
I also have to say that the babies look pretty gross coming out. I’ve never really doubted that I’d bond with my baby when she’s born, but I have to say the appearance of these babies when they’re born is definitely a little troubling.
(I ruled out a career in medicine early on due to squeamishness; can you tell why?)
{ 3 } Comments
My dad has this great story about how when I was born (10:30am on a Wednesday), the colonel had come in to personally deliver me bringing with him a huge number of other junior doctors, nurses, etc. My dad claims that I was immediately whisked away, and returned a few moments later clean, weighed, tagged, diapered and swaddled in a pink blanket. My brother on the other hand was born at some crazy hour in the morning. He was unceremoniously plopped on my mom’s stomach for a few minutes before being taken away to be cleaned up. My father was rather surprised at seeing him this way as he never saw me look like that.
So, newborns are ugly. They are splotchy and smelly and wrinkly and kind of smell like spoiled milk, at least for the first few weeks. I have never met a parent that didn’t think their newborn was anything other cutest thing ever, so nature works for you. the good news is they get MUCH cuter over time and only grow cuter until they become awkward gangly adolescents.
I started bonding with all my kids right away, but it takes a little longer for some women. You will think your baby is beautiful, though. I think I saw Carina before she got cleaned up, but honestly I was so worn out I don’t remember much. The twins were cleaned up before I saw them.
I never saw much point of birthing videos either. I agree with the whole “cascade of interventions” theory, but I’m sort of with you on the why torture yourself thing, though too. I was happy with my first birth and the use of the epidural. I wish they hadn’t put me on pitocin – that sucked. Both my labors started with my water breaking, so I was “on the clock”, though a cecarian with my twins was probably pretty much nearly a foregone conclusion in a normal hospital setting.